I hate Lisp

It was 1981 and I was taking my first real computer course at Harvard. I was rapidly discovering that *real* programming sucked. Big time.

My parents had scraped up enough money to get me a TRS-80 Model 1 in high school. My friend Andy showed me how to write Z80 assembly code. It was so much more powerful than BASIC. It gave you direct access to the hardware and it was lightning fast. I had a lot of fun with it.

When I went to college, I decided to try computers and astronomy (those being my big interests at the time). The computer course was taught on a PDP-11 and we started off with Macro-11 assembly code. I remember being amazed that you could program in assembly code on time-shared machine and not bring the entire thing crashing down.

The textbook was “An introduction to computer programming and data structures using MACRO-11” by Harry Lewis. It seemed ok, but I didn't care for it's high-handed ‘principles of programming’ that were sprinkled throughout the book. For example,

Symmetry Principle: Programs should be symmetric and uniform when performing similar functions, unless there is good reason to the contrary. Extreme Value Principle: Programs should work correctly for all data on which they may operate.

I especially hated this one:

Un-Cuteness Principle: Don't be clever or cute in an attempt to save a few memory locations or a few microseconds.

Isn't that at least half the fun of assembly language programming?

The first few weeks of the course involved programming such tasks as finding elements in a table, dereferencing pointers, and sorting. Whee! We learned how to edit programs on a line printer(!) using TECO(!!). Eventually someone took pity on me and showed me how to use vi.

In the middle of the course we started learning about a new language: Lisp. We started learning how Lisp was implemented in Macro-11. It was idiotic. Lisp apparently had no notion of ‘memory’ at all, let alone data structures like strings or tables. Everything seemed to be assembled out of long, long chains of pointers, and the Macro-11 programs we wrote spent most of their time rummaging around these pointer chains trying to find *some* data *somewhere*. We wrote routines in Macro-11 that did MEMQ and ASSQ and GETPROP (for some weird reason Lisp had these ‘symbols’ that had ‘properties’, but it sure was a chore to get at the properties).

Furthermore, it seemed that Lisp encouraged the use of really inefficient coding practices. It was often the case that our subroutines would call other subroutines or even call themselves. I had no conceptual problem with a subroutine calling itself (except that it was a blatant violation of the all important ‘Un-Cuteness Principle’), but every function call ate up a chunk of stack, and that put a limit on how many function calls you could do.

It was obvious to me that Lisp was invented by some bozo that clearly didn't understand how computers actually worked. Why would someone lookup a value in a property list when you could write a simple routine in Macro-11 that would find the value in a table? The assembly code was much faster, the table was much more compact, and you could avoid these endless chains of pointers. Assuming you were dumb enough to put your data in a property list, you really couldn't use a very big property list without worrying about the stack depth. This just wasn't an issue with a linear table in assembly code.

I got this impression of Lisp: far slower than assembly, far harder to understand, far less efficient, and far less capable. I hated it and was glad to be rid of it when I finished the course.